Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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