I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
50% drunk capacity currently
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
