I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
