lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Is Oprah even human
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
