I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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