see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
