Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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