It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
