ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
