just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
