My girlfriend figured out who you are.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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