I wish I could punch you in the face.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
