Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
