I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
