so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
