Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
