i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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