ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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