I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
