What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
