Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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