just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
