3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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