I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
