And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
