we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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