i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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