i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
