I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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