Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
