2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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