I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
