how can u be prego again
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
