Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
