I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
