There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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