She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
