hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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