for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
