I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
