Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
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