I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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