well I can't set my house on fire every night
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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