Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
