You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
