Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
