so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
