The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
