The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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