I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
